It's been a really long time since I've been on here. I basically sign in to see what Squee is up to and Katyee. Anyways...

I came on to see what they posted and I decided to look up an old friend of mine. I shouldn't have.
Today was so strange. It was the happiest and most miserable day I've had in a very long time.
Today I found out what misery feels like,
I learned what distress sounds like,
I understood what pain looks like,
and I spoke what hurt is.
Jessica you meant the world to me. I only wish you had known what I know, and would have let me speak what you need spoken to you. But when I put the last of my heart in hook, line, and sinker, you overturned my boat. I drowned upon my knees and watched the last pieces walk away from me while I wept.
I believe Mr. Cash can sum up the rest.

[link]

I had a melancholy day, but as I said, it was also bittersweet.
I had the best day with Ben Keyes. After I had my tears dried and screams faded, our group went for a walk down to the Midway to keep my mind off it. Really I just ran off and they came after me. It was brutality in my mind then. I wish I could say it was a little more pleasent, but it really wasn't. There was a fair amount of screaming and fist thrashing, unfortunately. Ugh, I hate this story that "that" was.
Well, everyone sort of disperesed after we went on some rides and Meg got sick. Everyone kind of left her. So I took her to the bathroom and cleaned her up. I really tried so hard to keep a smile. We left to get water and sit in the shade of the mornings ordeal. She went to go to the bathroom, though, and I didn't see her again. However, I saw Ben and he looked really exhausted. I think he had sun poisoning or something but he looked awful and really sick. We sat down and I got him some water. I felt so horrible there was nothing I could do for him. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked miserable. So we just kind of hung out and talked. I don't think we ever really just talked before, me and him. It was really nice and I felt like my heart was warm because I knew I had friends. He felt a little better later on and we went to find everyone again. They weren't very receptive when we went over some stuff, so Ben and I went off to ride the Ferris Wheel. That was sick. There was someone getting pulled into an ambulance, and it was so beautiful when I saw the horizon and the sunset.

Something happened today. I don't know what it was, and I don't care to. It was simply beautiful and I can't describe it any other way. It was...it was like my spirit was under the covers on a winter night, pillow indented and flannel sheets pulled up to it's nose with snow falling outside the window. It was a warmness I never really felt quite like this. I felt like someone wanted me to be with them and there was no anger or disgust. I felt like I had friends and they were happy to see me, be with me and cared about me. Frankly, I felt cared for. I always feel like I have to care for others, and today I rested and was enriched with friendship.
There is nothing humanly or otherwise concievable that is better than holding onto a friend with an iron embrace. It is a panacea for all negative emotions and otherwise painful expieriences. I won't forget today.

"This white hot rage turns to love when I see you. It burns like the fire swelling in my veins and tracing back every stain and reliving every pain. Tomorrow, we'll try again."